Ever since the list for the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra section bass audition has come out, I've been working on it. Part of working on it also involved learning one of the pieces---I can't say that before this list came out that I'd ever really given Beethoven symphony no. 2 a listen. (perhaps I should be ashamed of that. I however, am not. I have come to loathe the work.) Then part of me also just had to LEARN the parts. Quick interlude: I don't know if I've ever mentioned this---I took a four year hiatus from playing bass until a year ago. (literally a year ago, I think today is my anniversary). So, I haven't had certain things under fingers like everyone else does, but no matter--that didn't bother me. I simply moved forward in learning some Bach I'd never touched before, relearning a concerto, and many orchestral excerpts that were not as fresh as some were.
So I've been taking lessons, playing my bass daily, and have devoted all my free time to listening to those works, knowing them, and of course playing them on my bass. It has been an interesting trip so far, of things I've learned, and things I still desperately need to learn.
And I have learned that I do not have this list ready at all. My Beethoven 2 is laughable. Simply laughable. My Mozart 39 simply says "I think I can! I think I can!" whilst sounding like the absolute amateur that I am. 4th movement of Schubert 9? Ha! There are parts of Heldenleben---granted, the weirder parts, that I am unable to really play still.
Add, on top of that, the fact that I can't really play the excerpts that I know well, up to the standard needed for an audition. Sure, I sound good---for where I am in my progress. But good to a committee? Not even close. For an audition, you must be 120% ready---I'm at about 75% ready, and the audition is not far away. Someone told me that I still had so many days left---I could get ready in that time! Unfortunately that time is not enough.
Should I really be thinking about taking an audition when I'm still deciding on fingerings for the Dittersdorf concerto? Should I really take an audition when my Bach bourree from the 3rd suite sounds like it does? MY MOZART 39 ISN'T UP TO TEMPO YET. Why on earth would I consider taking an audition when I'm this state??? It's simply foolishness for me to think that I could pull it off. So, with all that, I have decided to not take the audition for the section bass position of the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra.
You'd think with such a decision that I would feel somewhat relieved, perhaps, but actually not. I have been rather surprised at the depression that has set in as a result of this decision. I've spent so much time on this music, and I still couldn't get it ready. That's pretty depressing for me---I feel like I have failed, and in essence, I have. I put a goal before me, and that was to take this audition, and walk away feeling happy with my playing. Now I won't even reach that goal.
It was very sad to write two emails this week---both to teachers telling them "nevermind" about a lesson, and a run through of the list. And on top of sad, EMBARRASSING. I feel like I can't really look at those people anymore, even though I will I'm sure. I don't want to either, because I am ashamed at my lack of preparation.
What could I have done differently? Could I have practiced more? Should I have been approaching my practicing differently? I don't know, but that is something that is heavy on my mind, and hopefully that will help me for the next audition.
So I've been taking lessons, playing my bass daily, and have devoted all my free time to listening to those works, knowing them, and of course playing them on my bass. It has been an interesting trip so far, of things I've learned, and things I still desperately need to learn.
And I have learned that I do not have this list ready at all. My Beethoven 2 is laughable. Simply laughable. My Mozart 39 simply says "I think I can! I think I can!" whilst sounding like the absolute amateur that I am. 4th movement of Schubert 9? Ha! There are parts of Heldenleben---granted, the weirder parts, that I am unable to really play still.
Add, on top of that, the fact that I can't really play the excerpts that I know well, up to the standard needed for an audition. Sure, I sound good---for where I am in my progress. But good to a committee? Not even close. For an audition, you must be 120% ready---I'm at about 75% ready, and the audition is not far away. Someone told me that I still had so many days left---I could get ready in that time! Unfortunately that time is not enough.
Should I really be thinking about taking an audition when I'm still deciding on fingerings for the Dittersdorf concerto? Should I really take an audition when my Bach bourree from the 3rd suite sounds like it does? MY MOZART 39 ISN'T UP TO TEMPO YET. Why on earth would I consider taking an audition when I'm this state??? It's simply foolishness for me to think that I could pull it off. So, with all that, I have decided to not take the audition for the section bass position of the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra.
You'd think with such a decision that I would feel somewhat relieved, perhaps, but actually not. I have been rather surprised at the depression that has set in as a result of this decision. I've spent so much time on this music, and I still couldn't get it ready. That's pretty depressing for me---I feel like I have failed, and in essence, I have. I put a goal before me, and that was to take this audition, and walk away feeling happy with my playing. Now I won't even reach that goal.
It was very sad to write two emails this week---both to teachers telling them "nevermind" about a lesson, and a run through of the list. And on top of sad, EMBARRASSING. I feel like I can't really look at those people anymore, even though I will I'm sure. I don't want to either, because I am ashamed at my lack of preparation.
What could I have done differently? Could I have practiced more? Should I have been approaching my practicing differently? I don't know, but that is something that is heavy on my mind, and hopefully that will help me for the next audition.
