“Sometimes I have these times when I realize that I’m in the middle of a moment I should cherish. So I stop and try to breathe in what’s going on around me. And then I press that memory in my mind. I hope that one day, when I need it, I’ll find it again and I can relive it.”
-Essayist Cheryl-Anne Milsap

[Download the MP3 for this week]

Welcome to the NPR Station Showcase with PRX. I’m Aaron Henkin. Valentine’s Day is upon us, and as we wade our way through the annual commercial storm of flowers and chocolates and paper hearts, it might do us some good to tune into the words of essayist Cheryl-Anne Milsap. Cheryl-Anne writes a weekly column called “Home Planet” for The Spokesman Review, in Spokane, Washington. And each Monday, local radio listeners can tune in to Spokane Public Radio and hear Cheryl-Anne reading her words of wisdom on the air. This Valentine’s Day, Cheryl-Anne has a few thoughts to share with us about forgetting the holiday hype… and remembering what’s truly important.

First off, my compliments to you on a truly thoughtful essay… are you a frequent contributor on the air at Spokane Public Radio? What sorts of other writing do you do?

I have a very diverse job. My weekly column, Home Planet, comes out each Monday morning in The Spokesman-Review in Spokane, Washington, and most weeks I record those essays to air on Spokane Public Radio on Monday morning, as well. I don’t have any restrictions or rules. I can write about anything I want. I was raised to be observant and to pay attention to the world around me. Often, the columns are about people I’ve seen and heard as I went through my day. As a woman who is juggling a family and work and everything else, I have plenty of material. I’m also the Home and Garden editor and I produce the weekly “Social” page so I get to go to a lot of parties. That a good gig. But the column is my creative outlet, and without it I think I would go a little crazy.

Since you’ve got such a keen eye for the little daily manifestations of love that happen around us every day, I wonder if I might ask you: What do you think is the most loving thing someone has ever done for you in your own life?

I don’t know why this comes to mind, but I immediately thought of something that happened during the birth of my first child. It was a long and difficult labor. Things weren’t going very well. I was exhausted and I was losing control. I couldn’t remember how to do my breathing and I was getting weak. The baby and I were both stressed. My husband bent down and put his face so close to mine that our noses bumped. It startled me and got my attention. He stroked my face, talking softly to me, showing me how to breathe, breathing for me, until I could regain control. In my life I’ve been given many loving gestures. I was raised by my grandparents and they were kind and gentle people. My little sister loved me unconditionally, as did my children when they were small. In the innocent way children do… But there was something very tender in the way my husband cared for me that day. Even though we’re no longer together, I still think of it as one of the most loving touches I’ve ever been given.

How about the most loving thing you’ve ever done for someone else?

Oh, gosh. What is that old Erma Bombeck quip about motherhood? “I showed up for it” or something like that… I would have to go with that. Like most people, when I look back at how I’ve treated people I tend to see what I did wrong, or didn’t do right, and beat myself up about that. But the only way I know to love someone is to do it with my heart and soul. And that’s what I’ve tried to give the people I care for. I try to be there for them. I guess, ultimately, it will be up to them to identify the most loving thing I ever did.

What do you think it takes to avoid falling into the trap of taking your loved ones’ acts of kindness for granted?

I think we take for granted that which we no longer see. Everything is thrilling when it is new. Moving to a new city is exciting until one day you realize you’re not enjoying the morning drive to work - that you no longer even see the mountains in the distance. The face of a lover is an adventure. Until it isn’t. When our children are born we are captivated by each tiny toe and we hang on every coo. But when they’re teenagers and making us nuts, we forget how wrapped up in them we used to be. Sometimes I have these times when I realize that I’m in the middle of a moment I should cherish. So I stop and try to breathe in what’s going on around me. And then I press that memory in my mind. I hope that one day, when I need it, I’ll find it again and I can relive it. Even so, I’m grateful to have had that tiny burst of recognition and awareness.

I have to say, your essay is a breath of fresh air as we approach Valentine’s Day with our various anxieties about getting the perfect gifts for our loved ones… But I feel like simply reminding my wife that love is in ‘the little things we do each day’ might fall a little flat! Any ideas on how guys like me might do something a little more meaningful than the standard flowers & chocolate?

Well, start with the flowers and the chocolate! That never hurts. Then take her face in your hands, look in her eyes and tell her you love her. That’s a little thing too, and you can’t get more meaningful that that.
Have a lovely Valentine’s Day.

You can hear more from Cheryl-Anne Milsap and Spokane Public Radio online at The Public Radio Exchange. That’s where producers and commentators from around the world share their work. Log on, write your own reviews, and have a say in what ends up on the radio at www.prx.org.